You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
