worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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