I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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