At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
