So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
