Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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