it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
