I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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