I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
