Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
