brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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