Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So vagazzling was a success
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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