he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize