There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
