I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
FUCK WHALES
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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