I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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