Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
