I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
