Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
