So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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