You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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