after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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