My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
