I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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