I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
