i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
