...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
