Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
