They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize