drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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