There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
