just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
your room smells of hookers.
And success
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
