im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
