I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
