So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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