Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
