My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
