Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize