Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize