All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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