all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So squirting runs in the family.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
