i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
