i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
