yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
