I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
