This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
