Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
