Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
