WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
