Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
