Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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