I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
