12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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