i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
