my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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