My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
