I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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