like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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