Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you never un-have a 4some
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
