she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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