Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize