You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
