he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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