either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the condom got lost in my hair
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
