Your dad touched me again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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