i don't like sucking hair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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