Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
