When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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