You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
