It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
