The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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