make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
