I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
