420 ftw
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
