i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize