I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
