Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
