Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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