Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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