Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
