can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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