i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
