hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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