so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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