Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
