i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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