I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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