I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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