i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
