There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize