I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
