I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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