this beer tastes like vomit already
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
