Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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