I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
