3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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