Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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