i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
