Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
