you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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