If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
