god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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