Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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