I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
