how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
