my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
