saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
