Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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