y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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